Confession

Lent 2

Yesterday, I felt pretty good about myself, writing all about the beauty of Ash Wednesday and the season's ability to make us understand our frailty and brokenness and mortality in ways that bring us closer to God. I will admit that I felt a need to, in some ways, play up the beauty of the symbol of Lent as it reflects human brokenness. Here's my confession...that was all well and good yesterday, but it was harder today when my brokenness was showing. Today (well, it started yesterday), events have transpired which have left me riddled with anxiety, overwhelmed with nausea, a little asthmatic, at times catatonic, and just in general, a bit weepy. No joke. Sad times.

So my first thought in sitting down to write, as I committed to do, was where in the world did I see God today? Well, I'll tell you. Even when I have felt my absolute worst (which, today ranks pretty far up there), God is always there. Always. The fact that I woke up this morning and showered and pushed myself past the very strong urge to stay in bed...a gift. The fact that I got up for the purpose of taking control of my day and the events which have led me to the edge of a nervous breakdown...a gift and the moving of the Holy Spirit. The fact that God shows up in the people who surround me each and every day...a gift, the moving of the Holy Spirit, and the incarnational ministry of those who serve a living God. Today (among many other days), a couple of people took an extra step for me. A few extra minutes spent doing the job I was supposed to be doing, a warm smile, and loving hug and parental kiss on the head, a bought cup of coffee, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and a shared meal. That's where I saw God today, and I pray that I will see God there everyday. The love of a friend is nothing more than the love and light of the living God shining through.

And lest you think I am taking back my post from yesterday, I still believe in the beauty of the season of Lent. The journey toward Easter is about walking toward reconciliation, resurrection, and the final perfection of all things. Sure, my frailty was out there for the world to see, but Easter people surrounded me, showing more fully than I can understand on my own, the kingdom of God.